I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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