When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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