I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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