They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
