i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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