ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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