We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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