I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
