your thong is hanging out like whoa
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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