very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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