Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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