tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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