it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
