I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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