if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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