her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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