my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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