I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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