you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
