I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
