he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
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I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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