All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
