Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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