Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
