I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
