He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
