i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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