3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
