A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
