I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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