The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
