I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
