she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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