he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
