there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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