I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
