I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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