i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
