i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
