I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
