Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i've created a new STD.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
