During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
