ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
