I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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