i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
