it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
