I just saw a hot homeless man
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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