Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
