i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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