My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
