Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
