i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
