it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
