Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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