Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
