i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
