I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
