he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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