glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
