if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
