We won't sleep together?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Drake has all the answers
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
