you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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