Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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