Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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