He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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