There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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