Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
