You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
