So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
