yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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