D3 body, D1 cock
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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