I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
